Week ONE is complete and I am excited to start week two. There will be longer running intervals and less walking, which sounds awful but the pain in my legs actually sets in during the walking portion. It seems that my leg muscles start to spasm when I stop to do the brisk walk. After the run is complete I feel like my legs are going to give out on me completely and I will collapse. The pain in my knees feels like nothing I have ever experienced before. I read an article that said unless you really suspect something major is going on then you should just push through the pain and that is what I have been doing. It is very frustrating to be in pain only during the part of the exercise that is designed to let you recover.
The other day someone asked me how running now is different than running in the military. When you are in basic training you are afraid not to run because you don’t want to get yelled at or fail your test and get recycled (sent back to an earlier portion of training for a 're-do'). After basic training your physical fitness test determines your career. You can be put out of the military for not meeting standards if you can’t pass your test. In a way I think there is more of a psychological aspect to it than what I am doing now. Also, they didn’t ‘teach’ us how to run. They simply told us to run. And run we did. With this program (Couch to 5K) you are training yourself and body to ‘learn’ to run. Currently I feel the program is going at a good pace for any beginner who wants to run.
I am still having some bad body image days even though I am running and exercising faithfully. I loathe those days because they are so emotionally draining. My focus will get stuck on how I look and not on how I am living a healthy life. I will keep going over in my mind how I shouldn’t have eaten this or that, maybe I should have worked out a little longer or am I ever going to be pretty again. Those are all futile thoughts which have no constructive value to them but they can be so hard to get rid of. One would think if you are taking control of your health these feelings would virtually disappear. BUT THEY HAVEN’T! One day I would love to be able to say that I am completely free of negative thoughts about myself. Don’t get me wrong I am very comfortable in my own body but some days it feels like I can’t control my mind and those thoughts creep in to crush my spirit. All I can do is keep reminding myself that my self-worth is not wrapped up in my physical appearance or by the amount of sit ups I perform. Rather, my self-worth comes from being a wife to an outstanding man, a mother to a child I believe gave me a renewed lease on life, and loving Christ with all of my heart.
On a brighter note…the light of my life!
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