'Me' Time

For the last couple of days I have doubted myself and my ability to really see this goal through to completion.  A lot of personal challenges were presenting themselves and my knees were killing me.  I couldn’t walk without the pain being excruciating.  I am really trying to not come across as a wimp but the pain was horrible.  Monday was going to be the first day of week two but the weather was not ideal for running with a 14 week old child.  I did however try to run on my parents’ home treadmill.  For some reason I felt very unsteady on that blasted thing.  Simply the act of walking on it was enough to make me lose my balance.  Maybe I am beginning to show my age but I would like to think I am not that old.  So today was the 'new first day' of week two and I was impressed with myself.  As I was running I kept thinking of how great I was doing for a) pushing through the pain and b) running.  After the run was over my dad helped me calculate how far I ran and it was approximately 1.1 miles.  This week’s runs will consist of 90 seconds running and two minutes at a brisk walking for recovery.  Instead of fearing that I wouldn’t be able to continue I started to really believe in myself that I could accomplish this goal.    

Over the weekend I was wondering why I like running so much.  Then it hit me.  The only time I get to have to myself is while I am running.  During the run I can fully concentrate on me, my breathing and how I am going to finish.  I don’t have to think about family, bills, or any other pressing issues in my life.  In those moments I don’t have to be anything to anyone…I can just be.  Currently in my life I don’t have my spouse because our country needs him more.  Needless to say my time is being fully wrapped up in our son’s life.  I don’t mind this one bit because I rather enjoy being a stay at home mommy.  But living day to day without having my husband’s assistance does present some challenges.  There are days when I would love to have Josh walk in and hold the baby so I could go cook a nice dinner or just entertain the baby so I could simply enjoy a quiet bath.  These are things that are impossible because JW demands so much affection and attention.  However, when I run I get back some of my autonomy.