I KILLED IT!

Today I completed week two, day two, and I killed it!  Only one more run to complete this week and I move on to week three!  My knees were hurting once again but that was to be expected because I went against the program and ran back-to-back.  As a beginner you should be running every other day so that your body has time to heal.  But, because Monday’s weather prevented me from going outside, I attempted to get back on schedule by running on two consecutive days.  Surprisingly, it wasn’t all that bad and I felt good during and after the run.  If you were to see me at the park you would laugh because after every interval I put my hands up in the air and shout with excitement!  During my last intervals I am beaming with pride while I run.  I have a huge goofy smile on my face.  People are probably wondering why I look so happy.  I can’t help it…I just feel so darn proud of myself! 

Several of my friends have decided to start running.  They have all signed up for the 5K that I am running for my graduation of the Couch to 5K program.  I am super excited to be able to share that experience with them.  They are an awesome group of ladies we all share a common bond...the U.S. ARMY.  Each of us has a spouse serving in the ARMY and several of them are currently deployed which can make life terribly difficult to cope with.  But we have each other and for that I am forever grateful.        

If you have even thought about trying to start running, please try doing the Couch to 5K program.  It really is a great program designed for the ultimate couch potato! 

Here are four veterans (one of them being my father) who recently completed the Soldier Marathon held at Fort Benning Ga, 13 November 2010.

     

'Me' Time

For the last couple of days I have doubted myself and my ability to really see this goal through to completion.  A lot of personal challenges were presenting themselves and my knees were killing me.  I couldn’t walk without the pain being excruciating.  I am really trying to not come across as a wimp but the pain was horrible.  Monday was going to be the first day of week two but the weather was not ideal for running with a 14 week old child.  I did however try to run on my parents’ home treadmill.  For some reason I felt very unsteady on that blasted thing.  Simply the act of walking on it was enough to make me lose my balance.  Maybe I am beginning to show my age but I would like to think I am not that old.  So today was the 'new first day' of week two and I was impressed with myself.  As I was running I kept thinking of how great I was doing for a) pushing through the pain and b) running.  After the run was over my dad helped me calculate how far I ran and it was approximately 1.1 miles.  This week’s runs will consist of 90 seconds running and two minutes at a brisk walking for recovery.  Instead of fearing that I wouldn’t be able to continue I started to really believe in myself that I could accomplish this goal.    

Over the weekend I was wondering why I like running so much.  Then it hit me.  The only time I get to have to myself is while I am running.  During the run I can fully concentrate on me, my breathing and how I am going to finish.  I don’t have to think about family, bills, or any other pressing issues in my life.  In those moments I don’t have to be anything to anyone…I can just be.  Currently in my life I don’t have my spouse because our country needs him more.  Needless to say my time is being fully wrapped up in our son’s life.  I don’t mind this one bit because I rather enjoy being a stay at home mommy.  But living day to day without having my husband’s assistance does present some challenges.  There are days when I would love to have Josh walk in and hold the baby so I could go cook a nice dinner or just entertain the baby so I could simply enjoy a quiet bath.  These are things that are impossible because JW demands so much affection and attention.  However, when I run I get back some of my autonomy.  

My Malevolent Mind

Week ONE is complete and I am excited to start week two.  There will be longer running intervals and less walking, which sounds awful but the pain in my legs actually sets in during the walking portion.  It seems that my leg muscles start to spasm when I stop to do the brisk walk.  After the run is complete I feel like my legs are going to give out on me completely and I will collapse.  The pain in my knees feels like nothing I have ever experienced before.  I read an article that said unless you really suspect something major is going on then you should just push through the pain and that is what I have been doing.  It is very frustrating to be in pain only during the part of the exercise that is designed to let you recover. 

The other day someone asked me how running now is different than running in the military.  When you are in basic training you are afraid not to run because you don’t want to get yelled at or fail your test and get recycled (sent back to an earlier portion of training for a 're-do').  After basic training your physical fitness test determines your career.  You can be put out of the military for not meeting standards if you can’t pass your test.  In a way I think there is more of a psychological aspect to it than what I am doing now.  Also, they didn’t ‘teach’ us how to run.  They simply told us to run.  And run we did.  With this program (Couch to 5K) you are training yourself and body to ‘learn’ to run.  Currently I feel the program is going at a good pace for any beginner who wants to run. 

I am still having some bad body image days even though I am running and exercising faithfully.  I loathe those days because they are so emotionally draining.  My focus will get stuck on how I look and not on how I am living a healthy life.  I will keep going over in my mind how I shouldn’t have eaten this or that, maybe I should have worked out a little longer or am I ever going to be pretty again.  Those are all futile thoughts which have no constructive value to them but they can be so hard to get rid of.  One would think if you are taking control of your health these feelings would virtually disappear.  BUT THEY HAVEN’T!  One day I would love to be able to say that I am completely free of negative thoughts about myself.  Don’t get me wrong I am very comfortable in my own body but some days it feels like I can’t control my mind and those thoughts creep in to crush my spirit.  All I can do is keep reminding myself that my self-worth is not wrapped up in my physical appearance or by the amount of sit ups I perform.  Rather, my self-worth comes from being a wife to an outstanding man, a mother to a child I believe gave me a renewed lease on life, and loving Christ with all of my heart.    

On a brighter note…the light of my life!